February 1, 2017

As an agnostic, I find no truth in religion. This was not always the case. In the early 2000s, I was discerning religious life with the Sisters of St. Joseph. I was very much in love with my religion at the time, or so I thought. In retrospect, I understand that religion was not at the center for me, but Community was. Always. I've searched my whole life for a place where I fit in, and among those women was as close as anywhere else I'd found. They were fun, intelligent, funny as hell, and man could they curse. They welcomed me with open arms...for what I was, not for what they wanted me to be, or what they wanted to mold me into. Warm thoughts, but reasons that are not centered around "god" are the wrong reasons to enter a convent.  Plus there was the whole male stripper thing.  

Today someone incredibly important said this to me:

you are a sensitive and feeling person with the soul of a scientist and a lovers heart - you are well equipped to do anything and go anywhere

And I was reminded of those nuns, who loved me and enjoyed me unconditionally. They were willing to take me as I was, just as this man I love is willing to take me as I am now.

My scientist's soul is smiling, and my lover's heart is overflowing with joy. Maybe I've actually...finally...found a place where I fit in.